Giving Yourself Grace While Living In A Hotel

Being married to a service member involves a lot of moving.

I knew that, I was prepared for that when we got married, but actually making those moves is a completely different beast. Next month will be our first anniversary married and we’ve moved 3 times since last March. Wyatt has heard me say this a million times, but there’s truly not a single other person in this world that I would live this life for, but with him I’ve found peace and can’t imagine it another way.

I love having a plan, and when we packed up our place in Florida last week, I had a plan to jump right into work, find a long running route, have dinner on the table every night, and be completely unpacked and organized after the second day of being in Virginia. But after getting here? I was exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and I had to reevaluate my priorities. While so much else seems to have devolved into chaos, I’ve searched for the silver linings and clung to those.

You may not want to do anything when you move.

When we moved, the first couple of days were a complete wash. I was burnt out and needed rest but I still tried to tell myself I had to get everything done immediately. I had to change that mindset to allow for rest so that I was actually able to recover. There are a lot of things that absolutely have to be done when you have move that it’s easy to lose yourself in the chaos. It can feel like a marathon of a to-do list that just keeps getting longer. What helps? Picking two non-negotiables that work for you and your family and do those every day. Mine are cooking dinner and working out. When I’ve checked those off the list on any given day, I’ve won big. The rest can be figured out as it comes.

For this specific move, my outdoor runs have been rained out so I started off the first two days on the treadmill in the hotel gym before we were able to find and access the gym on base. Luckily, our hotel has a small stovetop and dishwasher, so while cooking dinner may be challenging (if anyone has tips on burners that heat up very quickly but don’t maintain heat, please let a girl know), it’s something that makes me feel like my life is more together. Once I got that routine going, everything else started falling into place.

Your capacity may be very different right now.

I recently listened to Mel Robbins on the Girls Gotta Eat podcast, speaking on capacity in terms of water bottles. She held up a 12 ounce bottle of water and said “there are people in your life that have 12 ounces to give. If they pour 12 ounces into you, they’ve poured into you everything that they have, but if you’re a gallon person, you feel like it’s nothing.”

As someone who is a “gallon person”, it’s hard for me to admit that my capacity to give others right now is maybe 12 ounces. It’s not that I don’t want to reach out to the people I love and care about, but my burnout has taken over and it’s become very apparent that I don’t have a gallon to give at this exact moment in time. A hard truth to swallow, but a necessary one to recover and refill to my normal gallon self.

Appreciate the little moments when there’s so much else going on around you.

Over the course of our 14 hour drive last week, my husband and I went through phases of talking, listening to music, reading, driving in complete silence, and figuring out what our next meal/stop would be. Towards the end, we needed an energy bump and one Disney song turned into singing at the top of our lungs for an hour. I’ll never forget looking over at my husband, a huge smile on my face, knowing without a doubt that I married the right person. Huge shoutout to my husband, because we’ve both put in an insane amount of hard work behind the scenes to make our marriage what it is.

My birthday was the day before the big move, and the small celebrations throughout the day meant more to me than a huge event or party that I wanted in the past. I was looking forward to the Super Bowl so even though we had just barely gotten settled, we went to the store to scrounge up some of our favorite snacks. Those little moments add up, and sometimes when big moments are overwhelming, the little ones keep us on track.

There’s flip sides in everything.

Shifting your mindset to look at the things that excite you can make all the difference. This is always going to look different, depending on what your life looks like and the specific situation you’re moving into. For this specific move, while it’s not ideal to live in a hotel for an extended period of time, there are perks. I’m appreciating that I don’t have to cook breakfast because it’s offered in the hotel every day. I’m appreciating that this base gives spouses access to the gym so I don’t have to pay for a gym membership out in town. I’m appreciating that we’re lucky to have the opportunity to explore a beautiful city that I never thought I’d live in.

Ultimately, giving myself grace is not something I’m the greatest at. The past week has forced me to take a step back and find gratitude in the little things. I’m getting my spark back and can’t wait to get back to work this week. We’re taking it day by day, building the blocks back up, and trying to find the happiness while not having a permanent living situation (yet).